Ten Arguments for Why Mother Nature Never Intended Man to Be Landscapers

Saturday, 07 July 2007

10. Trees are too tall. If man was really meant to be able to manipulate their growth and location she would have made them small enough for him to manage.

9. Thorns. Really, if Mother Nature had wanted man to go tromping about through the woods and fields would she really have created evil little spiny things designed for the sole purpose of sticking to his clothes and skin so that he would get a nasty little surprise when he was done for the day?

8. Wild animals. Man simply is not built to defend himself against a grizzly bear without a shotgun, and even then survival is debatable. A hedge trimmer is certainly not going to be sufficient. If she had intended for man to be able to dominate over the wild she would have made him more properly equipped to enforce his position of authority. As it is, without some sort of weaponry man is pretty far down on the food chain.

7. The outdoors is beautiful as it is. The flowers do not grow in rows, nor do the bushes have pretty, pointy tops. If Mother Nature wanted her world to be perfectly landscaped she would have taken a hedge trimmer and done it herself. It would take a great deal less time, and fewer species of flora would now be facing extinction.

6. Video games. Surely nothing that addictive could exist if man weren’t meant to spend all of his days inside worshipping at the virtual altar.

5. Television. See above.

4. Sun. Man’s skin is fragile. One would think that if Mother Nature had intended for man to spend all of his days gallivanting around in the sun she’d have seen fit to grace him with a fur coat or feathers to protect him from sunburn. She did it for all the other mammals.

3. Allergies. Who ever heard of a creature with allergies that was destined to spend his life in an allergen ridden habitat?

2. Opposable thumbs. If Mother Nature had intended for man to fly she’d have given him wings, and if she intended for him to spend his life cutting trees she’d have given him something a little more suited for the task. Think Edward Scissorhands.

1. Lack of power outlets in the wilderness. You cannot operate a hedge trimmer without a power outlet. Need we say more?

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